Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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