I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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