I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize