she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
