You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I intend to get homeless drunk
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
