she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
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