We won't sleep together?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
