my vag is so smooth its legendary
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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