That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
