It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
