im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
