the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
All the doctor said was why
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
