physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
