just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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