It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
