I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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