I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
