if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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