roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
