i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
