New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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