my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
