He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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