I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
