I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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