Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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