Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
