i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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