Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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