I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
