it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
