How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
