the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
