His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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