Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
i've created a new STD.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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