also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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