How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
