Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
