i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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