Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
