I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
