soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize