well I can't set my house on fire every night
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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