There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
