i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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