Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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