i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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