My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
