why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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