do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize