you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
