does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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