just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
