I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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