Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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