I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
