Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
