My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
