I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
