youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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