dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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