Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
