They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
