i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
