I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
