WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
