and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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